


The One Where Everything's (Not) Fine

by GaboBlue1004



Series: Everything About Lobsters [3]
Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, I just love the angst, I'm Sorry, Joey LOVES little Emma so much, Joey is sad, Loneliness, Mentioned Roschel, Nostalgia, POV Joey Tribbiani, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Stream of Consciousness, Unrequited Love, but he's trying so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaboBlue1004/pseuds/GaboBlue1004
Summary: "It had been good to hear her voice again.The sound of it had fluttered in his stomach, and the familiarity of the sensation made him feel warm. She sounded same-old Rachel and it was until then that Joey realized how much he had actually missed to talk to her. There had always been something about her – this ability she had to turn any unimportant occasion into a major event; it never felt like a real accomplishment until he got to celebrate it with her. That had been how the news of his guest-starring in Crime File had him smiling and jumping like a little kid in Gina’s kitchen. It had been nice to know that at least that part had remained unchanged between the two of them. That regardless of the years – and the yearning – it still felt so natural to share the great moments with Rachel. It sorta’ felt like being back at home again.As the conversation started, Joey couldn’t help but wonder why he had waited so long to call them in the first place. He had feared it would trigger old emotions, but he found himself feeling a little less isolated from home; as if he had been incomplete the last seven months until then. For a moment – a brief, glorious moment – everything was actually fine."
Relationships: Rachel Green/Joey Tribbiani
Series: Everything About Lobsters [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727275
Comments: 22
Kudos: 60





	1. The One Where Everything's Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Important disclaimer: as I mentioned in the last chapter, I have never watched Joey's spin-off, nor am I planning to watch it in a close future, but I took some elements from its plot, like Joey moving to L. A with his sister Gina, and him winning a Soapy Award. 
> 
> Ok, so here's the new one! I'm sorry it took longer than I've expected, but it was really a journey to write this one. I'm drowned with final papers at college and with all this quarantine situation it's been super hard! Maybe it will take me about a week or two to come up with the new chapter, so I thank your patience in advance, you are really the best!  
> I want to give special a thank you the ones that have commented my previous chapter. Guys, you have no idea of how much it means to me to know your opinions and thoughts about what I write, it's thanks to you that I keep writing, really!
> 
> I hope from the bottom of my heart you enjoy this chapter. Personally and even though it had its hard moments, I had a GREAT time writing it. And I also hope to read your comments on it! I'll be thrilled to know what you think!  
> Also, it may have typos or grammar mistakes, if you see any, feel free to let me know ;)  
> Love you so much!

Joey wouldn’t admit it that easily, but he had felt kinda anxious about all the phone call thing.

Of what, he wasn’t quite sure. It hadn’t been that difficult when he called Chandler and Monica to hear them talk non-stop about the twins, or Phoebe, who kept sharing all the odd and funny details of her newly acquired motherhood.

Maybe it had something to do with the doubts that used to catch him at night, when he remembered how lonely he was, wondering if moving so far away had been the best choice. Perhaps it had to do with the hole he often felt in the pit of his stomach at the memory of how strange it had felt back at home before leaving. Or with stuff he had buried deep inside his mind, for his own sake. Whatever it was it had made him feel sick whenever Phoebe asked about it on the phone.

_“How long will you keep avoiding them? They really miss you; I’m telling ya! Rachel goes all gloomy when I mention you called.”_

_“Then stop mentioning I call you!”_ was always his distressed answer.

Joey knew Phoebe had been concerned about him. She had always known him best. Maybe she had even known the real reason behind his nervousness, but he never dared to ask. It was probably better not to know, anyway.

But then time began to run, and it did so, _so_ fast that he woke up one day without thinking about it, _not even once._

Joey simply got caught in life. _His new life._

One in which everything was brand-new, and exciting. His career, his family, everything was working so naturally that he kinda forgot how lonely he had felt in the past; he hadn’t enough time to feel like that in L. A, with his career finally getting somewhere after more than a decade of striving back and forth. He found himself enjoying this new chapter without longing for his old, long-lost golden days in New York – not as in _forgetting_ about them, but more about not minding that much they were gone. Joey finally fell in the notion – that one he had been oblivious to back in New York – that life was happening right there, and things where finally moving on. Joey wondered if that was how his friends were feeling when he left.

He was finally there, even if it was lots of miles away.

So maybe it was time to just get passed all those irrational fears. It had been seven months, and it really felt like he was beyond his past yearnings and aches. Maybe it was time to prove himself everything was _finally fine_. So that afternoon, after hanging up with his agent, he typed those numbers he knew by heart, the excitement flickering inside his chest.

-

 _“Joseph Tribbiani! I haven’t heard from you in months!”_ He knew he had been awful, but he couldn’t tell her that. Joey wished he had a good reason for not calling in seven months, but it was _way_ too hard to explain, especially to Rachel.

He apologized clumsily and made up some lame excuse. For someone that used to be so good at giving those and get away with it, it was frankly pathetic, but Rach didn’t seem to care that much.

It had been good to hear her voice again.

The sound of it had fluttered in his stomach, and the familiarity of the sensation made him feel warm. She sounded same-old Rachel and it was until then that Joey realized how much he had actually missed to talk to her. There had always been something about her – this _ability_ she had to turn any unimportant occasion into a major event; it never felt like a real accomplishment until he got to celebrate it with her. That had been how the news of his guest-starring in Crime File had him smiling and jumping like a little kid in Gina’s kitchen. It had been nice to know that at least that part had remained unchanged between the two of them. That regardless of the years – and the yearning – it still felt so natural to share the great moments with Rachel. It sorta’ felt like being back at home again.

As the conversation started, Joey couldn’t help but wonder why he had waited so long to call them in the first place. He had feared it would trigger old emotions, but he found himself feeling a little less isolated from home; as if he had been incomplete the last seven months until then. For a moment – a brief, glorious moment – everything was actually fine.

-

Joey let out a sigh and closed his eyes, knowing his whole proving-everything-was-fine mission had failed _miserably_.

It had turned out Joey hadn’t grown out of his old weaknesses; he had tried his best to be strong when her voice cracked the first time, but as he kept listening to her it just didn’t made sense at all – _why was she so sad?_

She had been over the moon when he left. He could still remember that composed look on her face at the airport. Sure, she had been probably a bit sad for his departure, as the rest of them, but she still looked contented, and calm _– and beautiful_ – but that was no shocker – neither relevant, of course. _Rach had always been beautiful…_

As far as he was concerned, she was living her best life along with Ross and Emma. That had given him some comfort when he made the decision to leave. The fact that she was finally happy. That way he could break his promise; he could leave because she wouldn’t be alone.

_That had been the deal!_

But now out of nowhere she sounded like the loneliest person in the world and it just didn’t add up. It had been only half a year since the last time he had talked to her. Rachel had been fine the last time he checked, still, when she asked about Thanksgiving, he couldn’t help but hear the same Rachel he had held in his arms at the hospital, that day that seemed to be a thousand years away from then. That Rachel that looked so vulnerable. His friend to whom he promised never to leave alone.

 _See, that’s why I hadn’t called in months_ , he wanted to say. He was still just a man and she was still – well, _Rachel_ –. He couldn’t handle to hear her like that!

She wasn’t supposed to be anything but mad happy! And instead she sounded helpless, and troubled.

So, he promised, and promised, and promised. Joey had proven to be good at sinking into reckless promises. He had promised her years ago he would always be there, even when he knew deep inside she would never choose him over Ross.

And now he had promised to make it to Westchester for Thanksgiving.

Joey had no idea if he would be able to keep that promise. Five months was a long time and he wasn't sure he could cross the country for just one night. However, he decided not to think about it too much; surely everything would improve by then and, with any luck, Rachel would not mind that much if he missed dinner. With any luck, she would be busy making up with the love of her life to be bothered by his absence.

In the end, it was vintage Ross and Rachel stuff; they were fine one day, the other they were tearing each other apart, but they always found a way through their own crap. They were seahorses – _or was it shrimps? It was a sea animal, for sure. Phoebe had told that!_ They would work it out.

It would be fine.

Joey almost lose it when she responded the promise with a hitched breath. As if she wasn’t expecting him to accept.

_He was in trouble. And he was officially the biggest idiot that ever lived._

-

He had hanged up the phone about an hour ago, but her voice was still lingering in his mind.

 _“Please don’t become a stranger. I don’t think I could take that”_ those words had heave deep into his chest.

He hadn’t found the courage inside himself to explain to her everything that probably needed an explanation. And it dawned on him– there was still something about her that made him go a little hazed for no reason. He’d tried to fight it along the years, but never wholesomely succeeded.

The truth was, long story short, he hadn’t meant to become a stranger. And maybe that was the main problem of it all. Perhaps it would’ve been better if he became that. _A stranger._ Would make things easier.

For him, at least.

But he couldn’t tell that to Rachel. It would only make her sadder and she would end up trying to fix it. That was Rachel, always believing she could fix what was beyond repair. And he couldn’t take her trying to mend things for him. He was just not strong enough to endure her questions about what she had done wrong – what would he tell her anyway? – Joey wasn’t sure what was the real issue. The truth was she hadn’t done anything wrong. _No one_ had done anything wrong; it was all on him.

But she would still try to make it better and how would he explain to her there was nothing she could do? How could he tell her it had been an instinct, a force beyond explanation that had driven him out of the place that looked so much like home but really resembled a vivid, old nightmare of his? He wondered if she would understand how much he had needed to fly away from that.

Joey didn’t like to think about it that way, but life back at home had turned way too weird for him to take. It didn’t feel like – well, like _home_ anymore; Chandler and Monica had been gone for months, and although he was genuinely happy for his friends and their new white-fenced, suburban life with Volvos and babies, it became harder and harder to keep up with it– he loved visiting them at Westchester, he _really did_ , especially since Monica cooked tons of food for him whenever that happened, but they were living a life that no longer had room for Joey, and sad as it was, it was ok. It had to be, maybe there will be a day in which he would catch them.

Or so he had hoped.

Pheebs, on the other hand, was understandably absorbed by her brand-new role as a wife – he’d never had guessed how much she would enjoy it, but she was beaming. Joey couldn’t believe someone could be _that_ happy, and so he was even happier for her, but she was always off somewhere with Mike, and there where little time left for the two of them to goof around the way they used to -which was _fine_ , of course – just a bit unheartening, if anyone had asked Joey.

And then there had been _Ross and Rachel_.

Joey couldn't had helped but think of them as a single entity. They had become _inseparable_ after she decided to stay, and the next thing he knew, they were living together at Ross’s once again. He had assisted them settle back; helped them with the furniture and to set Emma’s room up.

He tried to convince himself that Rachel not going to Paris had been the best news he could’ve hear. And it had been awesome – those had been exactly the news he’d been hoping to hear ever since she announced she was leaving, and when it came to that, Joey couldn’t be happier that Ross’s and Phoebe’s plan to get to Rachel had worked.

Joey had wanted to believe that meant he wouldn’t feel so alone with Chandler and Monica moving out of Manhattan and Phoebe living a whole new life right there. He had hoped to still be able to fit with his friends.

He had thought it would be nice; he would still give Emma cookies when Rachel wasn’t looking, and they could take her to the park the way they all used to take Ben when he was Emma’s age. He would still watch those weird-ass singing cartoons with her just as he used to do back when they still lived with him and Rachel was too tired from work to keep herself awake to play with Emma. He could still go to the Knicks games with Ross, and tell him about his dates, and hear him complaining about his students, and then hear Rachel gossip about her co-workers or just talk about literally _anything_ the way they used to when she was still his roomie. Only now they would talk at Central Perk instead of the kitchen counter.

_Maybe Joey could still belong there, by their side._

He had been _wrong_.

If anything, he ended up feeling that right there was the place he belonged _the least_. It had been upsetting to realize how cut off he was from their dynamic. It was not only that he felt weird, it felt _wrong._

Joey was no longer a part of that something he used to be when there were the six of them. Everyone else had moved on, and they were trying _so hard_ to include him into their new lives, as if they felt like… guilty for leaving him behind.

That’s how it hit him. _He was being left behind_ – was he a burden to them? Like a ballast keeping them from living on.

And that thought grew, like a gap in his chest – a shadow in his thoughts, lingering non-stopping when he was trying to fall asleep _alone_ , in the same apartment he had been living for more than a decade, in the same job he had years ago – a good job. He _loved_ Dr. Drake Ramoray, and the perks that came with incarnating him (money and hotties were cool alright) – but when he was lying awake in the middle of the night, it didn’t feel like it was enough.

It occurred to him that maybe he was stuck. Not necessarily moving backwards, but not moving forward either. Unlike the rest of them, Joey had nothing that anchored him in a certain place. He loved his friends, and the thought of leaving the place where they were was frightening, but he was the only one left; everyone had walked towards their own way, and neither of them _needed_ him to stay.

Man, it had hurt to realize it, but the truth was there, and once he had seen it, he wasn’t able to keep ignoring it.

For moments it felt like nothing, but then it became unbearable. It happened whenever he arrived at Central Perk to found Ross and Rachel sitting in the couch, cuddling with Emma beside them. The image of it – it was both baffling and uncanny… like a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach. It felt awkward but kinda familiar. It was no good – _no good at all_. And it worsened whenever he stepped into the moment, no matter how warm Rachel’s smile was, or how welcoming Ross sounded when he greeted him. Even Emma’s giggle at the sight of him. _Even that…_ It wasn’t right.

He felt like an intruder, and no one seemed to acknowledge it, but himself.

Whenever that sensation overflowed him, his mind would go wild.

He knew Phoebe would end up disappearing from his sight too and it wouldn’t be much longer before Ross and Rachel decided to remarry, and maybe they would have more babies – and suddenly Joey found himself standing in his dark apartment, breathing heavily, like he did when he had a nightmare. And when he’d get out to the kitchen, looking for something to soothe the increasing ache in his gut, he would end up staring at the wall, thinking about that ridiculous, pink puffy “E” that was no longer hanging from it.

And then he had known. He needed to run away from that – It was messing up his head _badly_. Making him feel things that he wasn’t supposed to feel. Yearning for things that he had never really had.

So, he did.

It all happened too fast. He talked to _Days of Our Lives_ producers and then to Gina. The next moment they were at the airport and then he was in L. A. Suddenly he had all these new responsibilities and even if it was decidedly terrifying and tiring, it was also kind of exciting. A nice change, if anything else, from the siege he had experienced before running away.

And it wasn’t like Joey was trying to cut his friends off from his life or anything like that. He did miss his old life in New York with his friends. He missed goofing around with Phoebe, and looting Monica’s fridge in the middle of the night. He even missed Ross’s dinosaur talk and Chandler’s sarcastic remarks. And he missed Rachel, maybe even more than he was supposed to miss her. He missed their night conversations and seeing her smile first thing in the morning. And he missed Emma – _God, how he missed Emma –_ , and he missed his apartment – the smell of Rachel’s perfume mixed with pancakes and baby talcum powder floating in the air. He missed coffee at Central Perk, and how sweet life used to be.

But things couldn’t go back to that, and he didn’t know how to tell her that without pulling those fragile strings that kept everything together.

It had never occurred to him that Rachel of all people would be the one to feel lonely. Joey had been so sure she was safe and happy. What was he supposed to do so far away from all of it? He didn’t dare to ask. It had caught him off guard.

So, all he did was promise her, once again, that he wouldn’t disappear.

He wondered if he ever could, even if he wanted. He wondered if a part of him _did_ want to do so. Joey knew the answers to those questions all-too-well but chose to toss them apart for a moment. Because what harm would they do if he kept them for himself one more time?

 _That’s two idiotic promises in one single phone call_ , he scolded himself, closing his eyes and squeezing his own temples in frustration.

Joey spent the rest of that day trying not to think about it too much. Maybe he was reading too much into her words, and her tone, and the whole phone call.

She was just nostalgic, and he was just homesick. Everything was actually fine.

Joey tried to focus on the good things instead; Ross was doing great, and he had gotten to talk to Emma. It was crazy how time worked outside New York; running way too fast; now Emma could actually talk! Next time he’d see her, she would probably be a fluent English speaker – she already was pretty advanced, if anybody asked him about it – Dina’s boy was around the same age, and he wasn’t that much of a talker… or a doer, for that matter. But Emma had always been such a smart kid with the knowing gaze and her mother’s pretty smile…

_Man, did he miss her._

-

“What’s with you?”

Joey looked up to his sister. She was staring at him, with an eyebrow lifted. He didn’t realize he had been staring at his toast for longer than a minute. He tried not to seem too startled “Nothing” he said, feeling jumpy all of a sudden “What’s with _you_?” he countered, diverting his eyes back to his toast.

“Did you get to talk to them?” Gina seemed to be willing to casually ignore his very obvious dodging over the topic. Joey chose not to look at her, but he could feel her sharp glare on him.

“Yeah… kinda” was his answer – as casual as he could manage to say it – as he lifted the toast from the plate, giving it a good bite.

“Kinda?” Gina tilted her head, all gossipy “How’s that?”

“Ross wasn’t home” he said, plainly “How was work? Hairy man passed by?”

“You alright?” she insisted, sticking to her new-found strategy of overhearing his poor attempts to change the course of the conversation, crossing her arms on her chest, and scowling at him.

Joey took a deep, exasperated breath “ _Yeah._ _You_ alright?”

“Stop it!” she huffed, rolling her eyes “What really happened? Did ya talk to her?”

Joey breathed out and swallowed his piece of toast “Yeah… it was alright” he gave another bite, trying to stay to focused on its taste as he spoke, his mouth still mildly full “I might even end up going to New York for Thanksgiving after all.” He flashed her a good smile and a lift of eyebrows.

The news seemed to take Gina aback as she squinted towards him “ _Really_?” she used that tone; slow and shrill, the one that sounded a lot like their mother and Joey gave another bite right after swallowing. He tried not to, but soon he noticed she was giving him that wary-knowing look.

He sighed deeply, placing the toast back at his plate “Listen, ’s okay. I’m okay, it was actually good to talk to Rach, alright? It was dumb to wait so long. Nothing happened. It wasn’t really that big of a deal.” He listened to his own voice and knew he had been convincing. He even smiled at her, breezy and relaxed.

But she kept frowning, unconvinced. Joey deviated his attention back to his toast and heard as she finally let out a sigh, turning towards the sink to leave her own plate “If you say so…” she breathed out, just before adding, looking at him over her shoulder “But let me tell ya, you should get better at lying for Thanksgiving then…”

Joey rolled his eyes and threw her an annoyed glare, keeping himself from saying anything else. It would be pointless to tell Gina, anyway, but he didn’t need to lie.

He was an actor. He was Joey Tribbiani, he’d won a Soapy Award! He would pull out any role, that’s how good he was!

And that one role he needed, specifically, was one he had already memorized over the years.


	2. The One With Yet Another Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey's alone at home when he recieves a phone call from New York...  
> A heart-felt conversation leaves Joey even more confused than he already was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO... Here I am again. Sooner than expected, with this short second part which I really hope you enjoy (and comment, if possible). This was supposed to be included at the ending of "The One Where Everything's Fine" but I decided to divide them in the end. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!  
> And don't forget to leave your comments, please. They help me a lot.  
> INFINITE THANKS TO THE ONES THAT COMMENT, and of course, to you guys, that take the time to read my humble, maybe-even-trashy writing... it means the world to me ;3

He was home alone that Friday night.

Michael was off in a date and Gina was probably somewhere with Jimmy. He hadn’t talked to Alex in about a week; apparently she was going through some stuff and needed some space. It was always like that with her; he was trying to reach her, but every time he felt like he was getting closer, she gave ten more steps away.

 _Patience_ , he invoked, remembering Rach’s advice. _Some girls need patience._ Rachel had always been good at that kind of advice; the times he listened to her on that regard, things tended to go better. And so, Joey Tribbiani found himself all alone during a Friday night. Who would have guessed?

He was skimming through the television channels. He would’ve been in the mood for a movie. Something entertaining with bullets, car chases and hot girls. It was a blessing that Gina’s neighbor payed for cable. Maybe it wasn’t very upstanding from their part, but hey, he got access to the movie channels, so he wasn’t about to complain.

Joey had started skipping the channels as fast as he could. Somewhere between channel and channel, he heard this song; it was a familiar melody that caught his attention almost unconsciously. His fingers stopped pressing the channel button in the remote the next moment. The image turned and showed some strange, colorful creatures singing that song Joey knew all-too-well.

_“We use our hearts; we use our heads and we believe_

_To help is beautiful, small is powerful…”_

Before he knew the next thing, Joey was smiling at the television at the sole memory of Emma jumping in her small chair at the sound of the Save-Ums. He wondered if she still watched it, thankful that there was no one around to see him humming the song.

However, the ring of the phone disrupted the moment. Joey pondered on who could be calling; he kinda hoped it was Alex but didn’t hung that much unto that possibility. He stood up heavily and walked towards the phone, a bit cranky.

“Hello?” he picked up, with a weary sigh.

“Umm… Is this Joey Tribbiani, on the phone?” asked the voice on the other end of the line, over-articulated and unmistakable. Joey didn’t even bother to fight the smile that appeared in his face as he immediately recognized to _whom_ it belonged.

Nostalgia seemed to hit him differently from when he heard Rachel. It was somehow easier to take it. Uncomplicated in many ways, over-complicated in some others he wasn’t sharp enough to even care to consider right then.

“Well, well, well” he played along, deepening his voice with a smirk “If it isn’t my old friend Dr. Geller” he heard Ross breathing out a small laughter in response, and Joey’s chest suddenly felt lighter. 

Ross let out a breath before talking once again “Hey, man…” he said, in a lower voice “Is good to talk to you, you know, _finally_.” He didn’t even try to cover the reproach on his tone.

And there it was – the reason it was easier; Ross never tried to hide his discontent. _Ross didn’t know something was broken._

“Yeah, dude, I’M SORRY, ok?!” Joey exclaimed, letting out a heavy exhalation of regret. What a crappy friend he had been, he knew. It was harsh to remind it to himself, but he kinda deserve the resentment “I know I’ve been the worst! But –” he was ready for a long apologize, but Ross cut him off shortly after he had started.

“Hey, it’s ok” he reassured in that softer pitch he used sometimes, and even though made Joey a bit surprised at first, he soon knew how much Ross meant it “Rachel told me about the guest-starring” he added, lightly.

Joey nodded, kinda forgetting Ross’s couldn’t see him.

“So?” Ross insisted after the few moments of silence, and Joey realized he actually hadn’t said anything.

“Oh? Yeah! It’s awesome in here! We’ve already finished shooting, it should be airing by next month or so…” he commented, as spirited as he always got when he talked about his new job.

“That’s amazing news, Joe! Congratulations!” he sounded genuinely happy for him and Joey couldn’t help a smile at his tone. It made him happy to get to finally talk to his friend.

“Thanks, man” he said, earnestly, dragging a chair closer “I heard about school. More classes, huh?”

Ross sighed “Yes, it’s great! I get to spend more time in my new research!” Joey could totally picture the smile on his face just by the excitement he perceived in his voice.

He never really understood what all that dinosaur thing was about, but it always gave the chills to Ross, so it surely was great! He proceeded to tell Joey everything about his new schedule; the new subjects he taught, and more stuff Joey tried his best – but failed – to decode by himself.

From what he could get, Ross had been up to a very specific investigation about fossil remains in Montana “…if everything goes as planned, the assembly will approve the budget for the excavation!” his voice was pumped and it almost made Joey felt as enthusiastic as Ross was.

“Wow!” he responded, more like a reflex “That’s… great, _right_?”

“It’s not just ‘great’, it’s _amazing_! I mean, can you imagine it?!” Joey knew very well that voice. He was excited and even though he had no idea what was actually happening, it made him happy, too.

“Umm… yes?” Joey tried, then shook his head and added “I mean… sounds awesome!”

“Hey, but enough about me. How’s L. A? I want to know everything!”

Joey shrugged a little, then remembered again that Ross couldn’t see him and answered instead “Well, it’s been awesome! I mean, it was kinda hard at first, but now everything’s cool, ya know? Lots of hot chicks here.”

Ross let out a huffed chuckle “Yeah…” he sighed out “No need to brag” there was this playful undertone, yet Joey heard something else about it.

Joey tilted his head, in confusion “Hey! What are you talking about? New York girls are _great_! And you have Rach!” he tried to smile into those words, but he felt uneasy as he heard Ross breathing out a long, weary exhalation.

Joey was a little scared of what could come after asking it, but he did anyway “What’s wrong?”

Silence. He could hear Ross’s clearing his throat on the other end of the line and Joey felt a twinge of turmoil in his gut.

“No, it’s nothing, really” said Ross, lowering his voice “I guess I’m just too worked up about the excavation and all that stuff…”

“Ross…” Joey wasn’t all that used to confrontation. He actually preferred to avoid it if possible, but this was different. He had tried to convince himself this was an old Ross-and-Rachel thing. Ever since his conversation with her, he tried to believe it would be okay by the next time they talked, but they both were acting too weird for it to be nothing.

Ross took a deep exhalation once again “I don’t know” he sounded tired, and it made Joey’s stomach drop a little.

What was _that_ supposed to mean?

“What d’ya mean you don’t know?” Joey was starting to feel a strange degree of exasperation.

“I just…” Ross was clearly struggling to elaborate, and that was no good sign. He heard him trying to articulate a couple times before snorting his next words out “I don’t know, Joe… It’s like this is being harder than it is supposed to be.”

Joey was lost for words. A knot tightened inside his stomach and he shook his head in confusion “Dude! What are you talking about?!”

“Me and Rachel” explained Ross, with a pained note in his voice “I’m not sure”

The next thing Joey felt was an awkward flare inside his entrails. Like a heat that ran through his veins and caused him to clench his grip around the phone “Not sure about what?” he vaguely noticed his voice had gone a little dimmer.

Ross swallowed hard. Joey could hear it through the phone.

 _It made no sense. It made no sense for him at all!_ What on Earth happened in the time he had been gone?!

“I can’t explain it… it’s like she’s never there, you know? Like we’re never in the same room” Ross admitted, finally, and the words strained in the air making it heavier.

“What are you saying, Ross!? This is _Rachel_ we’re talking about!”

“You think I don’t know it?!” Ross panted, helplessly “It’s not that I don’t love her. I could never not love her, she is Rachel!”

Joey ignored the sting of knowingness aching in his stomach at those words “Then what’s the matter?! I mean… if you love her…”

 _And she loves you…_ he couldn’t force himself to say that. Nothing made sense in that conversation.

“I do! I do love Rachel! I have loved her for so long! But this is… It’s like I’m…”

As seconds went longer and longer, that flare inside his guts just ignited more and more. Joey had never been the sharpest mind in any conversation, but he was certain Ross’s words were senseless. How could someone not be contented with what Ross had? A woman that loved him more than anything, that had chosen him above everything… how could someone have Rachel and not be the happiest man in the world?!

“You’re what?” he was breathless now, incapable thinking more.

“I’m not sure she’s happy either…” Ross’s voice was exhausted, and those words came out like a confession. A painful one.

Joey shook his head, puzzled “What?! Dude, this is _Rachel!_ She’s crazy about you! Remember? This is the woman who got off that plane to be with you!” it stung to say it out loud, but it was the truth, so it didn’t matter that it hurt “I mean, sure, things are not always going to be great, but is it not worth it? Isn’t this the picture you always had in your mind? You, and Rachel, and Emma every day?”

It took Ross a moment “I guess you’re right…”

“You bet I’m right!” he asserted, letting out a huff. His heart was now hammering against his chest, and he didn’t realize how tight his grip had turned around the phone.

“Oh God! What am I thinking?!” breathed out Ross “You’re totally right! It’s just that… man, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that this whole thing… it has been hard.”

Joey needed two moments to restore his mood. He felt a little dizzy still “What do you mean?”

“ _This_ ” answered Ross, with a snort “Monica, Chandler, Pheebs. And then you. Things changed too fast!”

“Yeah… I guess they did…” Joey’s heart was slowing the pace as instants passed. He was suddenly able to distinguish Ross’s longing tone.

“I think it’s been harder for her.” His friend’s voice was a murmur, much like a grievance.

Joey tried not to cling into the dull pain that ached in his chest just by remembering the sadness in her voice “She’s tough. Just let her know she’s not alone…”

“I’ll try my best” answered Ross, with a sigh “She’s really excited about Thanksgiving though, especially since you said you were coming.”

“I’ll try my best, too.”

“Listen to me. Monica will kill you if you don’t show up.”

“Wait a minute… Monica _knows_ I’ll come?” Joey couldn’t feel more dismayed.

“What did you think? She and Rachel talk almost on a daily basis. Don’t tell me you were planning on ditching us...” Ross’s voice sounded accusatory at this point.

Joey exhaled a worn out breathe out of his chest “Of course not! I’m really looking forward to seeing you, guys!” That much was true. He missed his friends as much as he missed his own youth, and his parents, and that part of his life that seemed to be gone.

“Well, you better be” scolded Ross “And maybe you should consider visiting more often than once a year. Ben asked for you last time I saw him.”

Those words made Joey’s heart pound loudly inside his chest. He smiled widely “Really?”

“He wanted to know why we didn’t go to the park anymore with you and Uncle Chandler. He was pretty disappointed when I told him you were in another city.”

Joey felt a sting of nostalgia “Man, I can’t believe Ben is a grown-up kid already!”

Ross chuckled “Well, he’s almost ten…”

“See? A grown-up! And Emma’s speaking. And that’s not all – last week Erica cooed on the phone! And Jack… well, Jack didn’t do much, actually… But Phoebe’s boy is already… well, a human being!” he couldn’t believe his own words at that. Those kids seemed to be growing up way too fast, and it felt even worse with him being far away.

“Time runs faster when it comes to kids” commented Ross “I really wish it didn’t, but yet here we are…”

“Oh, c’mon, Grandpa Ross” mocked Joey, grinning to the phone.

Ross laughed along with him. Joey had missed that. As dorky, nerd, and shrill he could be sometimes, Ross was still family. It had been unfair to cut him off along with Rachel. _Joey knew that,_ and kinda still loathed himself for that, but he seemed to be past that with both of them.

It was soothing to know he had gotten back that part of his old life; those two missing parts he had longed for so much.

They spent the next hour talking about the usual; Ross’s classes, Joey’s doings in L. A; from dates to jobs, to barely mentioning Alex.

They eventually said goodbye and Joey promised to not let that much time pass before calling again. Neither Ross nor Joey went back to the Rachel topic. Joey wasn’t sure if it was either Ross or himself who avoided it, but it didn’t come out again.

However, it kept haunting him after he hung up.

Something weird was happening back in New York. It was like world was upside down. Because Ross and Rachel were finally together, but that part of their lives seemed to be the least happy for both of them. It was bonkers!

 _Just same-old Ross and Rachel stuff_ , he reminded himself _One day mad in love, the other mad at each other, and so on._ Those were his friends.

He hoped they could work it out once again. For Emma’s sake. _For God’s sake!_

Because if Ross and Rachel weren’t meant for each other, then nothing that had – and hadn’t – happened made any sense.

And for some reason, the sole thought of it was absolutely terrifying to Joey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it? Liked it? Hated it?  
> Also, if the chapter has any grammatical mistakes, feel free to point them out for me. Sometimes I get distracted hehe, sorry.  
> Let me know your opinion in the comments, please.  
> Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> So that was it! What did you think?  
> I wanted to share with you, I listened a lot to KEANE's song "Everybody's Changing", it made me think a lot about Joey's situation, idk... it was kind of an inspiration...  
> Anyway, please leave your comment, I'm looking forward to read y'all.  
> Love you!


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